The Merry Misadventures of Poland and Lithuania
by Shika Misoya
Summary: A series of oneshots. Requests for specific oneshots in this series are gladly accepted!
1. The not so funny farm

The Merry Misadventures of Poland and Lithuania

A/N:Okay! So I was bored and decided this would be fun! It's not really a yaoi fic... more like a series of one-shots that are all kind of stupid.

Lithuania: How could you do this to me...

A/N: So I'll be starting with prompts I thought up and you can request situations. First prompt is...*drum roll* Toris is working on a farm and brings Feliks to help... but Feliks is in for an unexpected surprise.

Chapter 1: The not so funny farm

Toris didn't mind working on the farm. The fresh air was nice and being outdoors in the sun always felt good. He would go on his own almost once a week just to escape Feliks, but today he figured he'd bring the annoying blonde to help out. "Wow Liet! I can't believe you're taking me to work with you! I've like, always wanted to go to a farm. Does the farm have ponies?" Poland asked exitedly.

The brunette sighed and parked the car he had been driving by the barn. "Yeah. We can go see the ponies when we're done," Toris explained, "Today we have to milk the cows, weed the farmer's flowerbed, and then check the tomatos."

With a squeel, Feliks jumped out of the car and put on his pink cow boy hat. For his farm debut he was wearing brown cowboy boots, a short red skirt, and an annoyingly girly t-shirt. Not the best things to wear on a farm, but it didn't matter. Maybe this would make the Pol go away. Lithuania was more sensible and wore a pair of old jeans, a long-sleeved tan shirt, and a baseball hat. He shut off his car and led his skirt-clad friend to the cow barn. "Okay Feliks... This farm only has 4 cows so we each have to milk two. We're doing it by hand so you'll have to wear these gloves." Lithuania stated throwing a pair of plastic gloves to the girly thing.

He grabbed a stool and a bucket and sat next to a cow, showing Feliks how to milk properly. He could swear he saw the boy dry heave when he tried to grab the udder. "Liet... This is really wierd, you know? It feels kinda gross." Feliks said.

It seemed that the blonde was squeemish. Then again, most people feel awkward touching what would be a cow's boobs. Lithuania finished milking in record time and watched as Feliks whined his way through the last cow.

After they were done with the cows they walked closer to the farmer's house. He hadn't weeded the flowerbed in a while so today it would take a little longer. Toris crouched down in the dirt and began to pull at the weeds, reaching for a trowel to get to the roots. On the other end of the spectrum, Feliks was standing up bending over and trying his hardest to pull out a weed. Sadly he just ripped of the leaves and ended up digging through the dirt to find the roots and pulled again. "Liet! It won't come out!" He whined.

"Then why don't you go through the tomato field and count how many plants have ripe tomatos. The ripe ones are red." Lithuania replied, ripping out another weed.

He weeded in silence for another hour and was finally finished. While it was quiet he had a chance to think. _After we're done I'll take Feliks out for dinner. But we'll have to clean up first._ Toris loved to make people happy. Even if the people he makes happy are annoying crossdressing blondes. He went to the car to get a water bottle for himself and one for Poland. It was a little hot out, but if all worked out they'd be done in another hour. Then he would be forced to take his friend to look at the ponies.

He made his way to see a familiar face. The only difference was that Poland had thrown his hat on the ground and was sitting next to it. His skirt was muddy and his legs were scratched and dirty. "I quit Liet! I totally wrecked my clothes, I'm tired, and I just want to go home!" He yelled, then put his head in his hands and started to cry.

Lithuania looked at his own clothes and saw he was muddy himself. That's just what happens when you work outside. "Did you count the tomato plants?" Toris inquired.

"Yes, but does it really, like matter! They were all ripe! I just want to go!" Feliks screamed in reply.

The brunette sat next to his friend and handed him the water bottle. Feliks took it and drank, still crying. "Do you want to go see the ponies now?"

Poland nodded and wiped away a stray tear. Then he grabbed onto the Lithuanian's hand and grinned childishly. Liet led the boy towards the pasture and pointed to the ponies. "Thanks for taking me with you Liet. I guess the day wasn't totally bad." Poland stated.

As they got back into Toris' car they both smiled. "I'll bring you to your house so you can clean up, okay Feliks?" Lithuania asked, "Then I was thinking we could use our pay for the day and get a pizza or something to eat."

Feliks' green eyes sprakled and he hugged Toris, trying not to bump the wheel and send them off the road. "Thank you so much Liet! You are totally the best friend ever."

Toris knew his plan to get rid of Poland had failed, but it was nice to be told he was someone's best friend. Maybe next time he would take Feliks to the farm again. After all, it was a good excuse to hang out.


	2. A failed attempt

A/N: So what'd you all think of the first story. Please tell me any ideas you have!

Poland: I liked the ending.

Lithuania: Same here...

A/N: Okay, so the next prompt is Lithuania and Poland writing letters.

Chapter 2: A failed attempt

Lithuania was almost shocked to see Poland writing a letter. It was the first time he had ever seen Feliks writing... or doing anything that involved brain cells. He had his blonde hair pinned back and brow was furrowed in concentration. It was slightly amusing. "What are you doing Poland?" Toris asked.

"I'm writing a letter silly! Oh! Don't read it! It's like, for you." He replied with that girly twang in his voice.

Feliks slid his arm up to hide the writing as the brunette sat beside him. He pulled out a sheet of paper and began to write too. "Then I'll make one for you, but you can't read it till the morning."

A shrill giggle filled the air as Feliks smiled. Lithuania began to write slowly.

'Dear Feliks,

You were always so annoying. You make fun of me all the time and treat me like a door mat. Since you hate me so much I'm killing myself. Don't look for me. I'll be hitting myself with my car. You were my only friend and you made me wish I had none. Farewell you stupid Pol. By the time you read this I'll be dead.

Goodbye,

Toris'

"There. I'm done," Lithuania sighed, "Now don't read it till morning, okay?"

"All right Liet! You can't open yours till after I open mine then! That way it'll be way more exciting!"

They both left the sealed envelopes on the table and bid each other good night. Lithuania got to work cleaning. He couldn't leave this world with his room in a mess. It would only make things harder for everyone else.

When the Lithuanian saw the sun rise he went outside. His drive way was on a hill, so he figured if he put the car in neutral and ran to the other end, it would hit him with just enough force.

Meanwhile...

Poland had just woken up from his beauty sleep. It was early for him, but he was excited to read the letter his dearest Liet had written for him. He picked up the envelope in his delicate hands and read. A gasp escaped his lips and he ran outside. He had to stop his friend. He was always doing stupid things like this.

As he ran to Lithuania's house, he could see the outline of the boy on the hill. "Liet! Like, don't waste your life! That's totally stupid!" Poland yelled.

"It's too late! The car is in neutral and will hit me any second!" Lithuania yelled back.

Poland's brow furrowed. Somehow, Toris' plan had a flaw. "Uhmmmm, Liet. You're at the top of the hill and the car is like, at the bottom. How will it hit you?" The blonde asked.

The look of shock on Lithuania's face was priceless. His jaw had dropped and his eyes were bugged out. "Now get over here Liet! You have to read your letter." Poland added.

Lithuania obliged and took the letter out of his friend's hands.

'Dear Liet,

You are the best friend ever! Thanks for taking me the farm! It was totally fun!

I thought it would be fun to write you a letter, since I don't write letters often. I hope we can hang out tomorrow... well actually it'll be today when you read this. We could like, watch The Princess Diaries or go shopping! I also have to paint the toilet, so you could totally help. Also, Ivan called. He said he needed to talk to you. But, you can like, ignore him if you want. I always do, but I ignore alot of people. When we hang out, we should get something to eat! I'm kinda hungry right now. Oh! I also thought we could go to the petting zoo, cause OMG they got a pony!

Well, this is all I can write right now.

From,

Feliks'

Toris began to shake with laughter. His friend was so annoying, but it was nice at the same time. "Let's go to the zoo Feliks. Sorry if I scared you with my failed attempt." Lithuania said quietly.

Feliks' green eyes glowed as he dragged his friend to the zoo. He had never been scared. Feliks always knew his BFF was too much of a doormat to kill himself.

A/N: So please comment with any ideas! I'd really like to know what you want to read.

Lithuania: You'll let fans decide my fate?

Poland: OMG! I like totally saved Liet!


	3. shopping with Feliks

A/N: Thanks for all the reviews! Thanks to Neko Syaoran for the idea!

Poland: OMG YAY! What did Neko want?

A/N: You'll just have to wait and see! It'll become pretty obvious soon though. *cough*go shopping crossdressing*cough*

Chapter 3: Shopping with Feliks

Poland loved shopping. When he wasn't watching My Little Pony, reading magazines, or visiting Lithuania, he was shopping. It was his guilty pleasure. "Liet~! I'm going shopping now. You should totally come too." Feliks stated.

The two were sitting together watching a random chick flick Poland had bought and Lithuania was almost enjoying himself. Then, Feliks mentioned the 'S' word. That was one of the few words that made Toris want to gag. Then again, most things Feliks said made him gag. Before he could protest, Feliks grabbed his arm and dragged him out the door towards the convieniantly placed mall next door.

Toris looked at his blonde captor and sighed. Feliks must have been planning this. He was wearing a blue mini-skirt and had a pink t-shirt on. He only wore that outfit when he went shopping. After a moment of walking aimlessly Lithuania was dragged into a small store. The walls were pink, the floor was pink, everything in it was pink... or insanely girly. "This is where I bought my skirt Liet! I'm going to buy you one! Then we can like, be twins!" Poland explained.

Lithuania sighed and was dragged to a small wrack near the back of the store. It was covered in skirts. Short skirts, long skirts, black skirts, blue skirts... in other words, there were a lot of skirts. Feliks began to rummage through them, looking for something in particular, while Toris tried to escape. However, whenever he got a few steps away Feliks would pull him over to look at something. Before long, the Lithuanian was shoved into a small dressing room with muliple skirts. "Try them all on then show me!" Feliks commanded, "I think they'll all look great on you!"

When the door shut, Toris sat on the small chair and sighed again. "What's taking so long Liet? If you want, I could like help you." Poland offered.

"N-no! I'm fine!" Lithuania stuttered.

He picked up the nearest skirt. It was red and looked really short. The brunette removed his jeans and slid on the skirt. He took in one more deep breath of air and walked out of the change room to show Feliks. "OMG! That one looks amazing on you!" the Polish abomination screamed, "It would go great with this top!"

While speaking, Poland threw a blue shirt to Lithuania. It had a wierd floural print and looked really girly. "It's nice Feliks..." Toris lied.

He was shoved back into the change room to put on the top. When he was done changing, he looked in the mirror. It was horrible. He looked like a brown haired version of Feliks. This was a living nightmare. Lithuania exited the change room to show the Pole. "Oh! I saw some shoes that would look totally cute with that outfit! I'll like, go get them." Feliks said, running in a frenzy to the other end of the store.

When he returned, Feliks was holding a pair of blue flats. He thrusted them at Lithuania and forced him to put them on. They were okay, other than the fact that they were GIRL'S shoes. "Oh Liet, they look great on you. Now just stand still while I, like add the finishing touch." Poland commanded.

Feliks went rummaging through his purse and pulled out a small pink tube. Toris tried to run, but unfortunatly Feliks grabbed his arm and stopped him. He opened the pink tube and pressed it to Lithuania's lips, smearing it around. When Feliks was done his new method of 'torture' Toris looked in the mirror. Now he had pink lip gloss on. _Great..._

Poland payed for the clothes while Lithuania was still wearing them. That meant he would be stuck for the rest of the day wearing girl's clothes. This day just couldn't get any worse... Then again, it could. They finally left the pink hell hole. "Can I go home now Feliks?" The Lithuanian asked hopefully.

"No! Don't you know that when you go shopping, you like, have to get something to eat! It's just how it works Liet." Poland explained.

After sighing yet again, Lithuania was dragged off toward the nearest McDonald's. "By the way Liet... You have great legs! The skirt looks way cute on you!" His captor said.

They finally had entered the McDonald's and were standing in line when Lithuania felt someone touch his shoulder. Then a familiar voice came from behind. "Toris? Is that you?"

He whipped his head around to see he was face to face with Russia. "Uh... H-hi Ivan..." Lithuania replied nervously.

"Sorry Ivan, he's with me today! You can have him tomorrow." Poland said in his usual annoying voice.

"Oh okay! Just send me a picture of Toris! His outfit is cute, da?"Ivan said cheerfully, "Have fun shopping! You won't be able to have fun for long..."

The last sentence was muttered however and with that, Russia was off. Lithuania wiped his hair out of his eyes and smiled. He was so relieved Russia was gone. He wasn't a bad guy or anything. Just a little creepy. As if thing's couldn't get worse... they did.

"Estonia~ Why is Lithuania-nii dressed like a girl?" A familiar little boy asked.

That little boy was none other than Latvia. "Well Latvia, when you are gay you do things like that." Estonia explained.

"What? I'm not gay!" Lithuania screamed.

After more arguing Lithuania told Poland he was going home. Poland obliged this time, under one condition. They watch the end of there chick flick. He never did tell Lithuania that pictures of him in a skirt had showed up on facebook.

---

A/N: I think I did okay on this chapter... I could have done better I think.

Lithuania: Yeah! Make it better by not having me cross dress

A/N: Sorry Liet, no can do.


	4. chap name is too long to be here :

A/N: Thanks again to Neko Syaoran for help. Sorry it took so long... I got a bad case of lazy XD also I have writer's block so this'll be realllllly short~

Lithuania: So what am I gonna be forced to do this time?

A/N: You two are going to a book store.

Lithuania: Well that doesn't sound too bad...

Chapter 4: The only book you can judge by it's cover's name is Feliks

After finally recovering from his last traumatizing experiance shopping with Feliks, Toris couldn't believe he was taking his friend shopping with him. Then again, they were only going to the bookstore. It's not like Poland could ruin that. "Oh my God Liet! I can't believe you're like, taking me shopping." Feliks said happily.

"It's only to the bookstore... I need to get a new book to read." Toris muttered.

Feliks skipped through the aisles of books humming. Lithuania just ignored him and walked to the Romance Novel aisle. Yes people. That's right. Toris went into the Romance aisle. He picked up the first book and opened it's pink cover. It seemed like a good story. Probably a bitter sweet romance that would leave him in tears by the end of the story, but that's what he liked. His moment of bliss from finding a book was interupted though when the usual blonde moron ran over to him, clutching a magazine. "Liet, you gotta help me! Why does this magazine, have like non-see through plastic on it and 'X's?" Feliks asked.

Toris just looked at him in awe. Poland was so stupid! Everyone knew those magazines were dirty and only France would read them. "Put it back Feliks. France is the only one who's into those magazines, if you know what I mean." He replied.

It was even more amusing to see Feliks' blush as he understood what he was holding and ran to put it back. Lithuania picked up the book he had found again and checked the price. It was a good deal, so he decided to buy it. First he would have to get Feliks though. He walked to the magazine rack where Poland was sitting and kicked him lightly. "Come on Feliks. I'm done. If you want a magazine choose fast and I might buy it for you."

His green eyes glittered at the sound of his dearest Liet wanting to buy him a magazine. Poland grabbed some teen gossip magazine and handed it to Lithuania. "Is this one, like, okay?" he asked.

Toris nodded and took the magazine. "Oh my God Liet, is that a romance novel? I never thought you would be into them. That is like, totally shocking!" The Pole yelled as soon as he noticed the pink book in Toris' hand.

"It's not for me! It's a gift for... ummm... Hungary!" The Lithuanian lied.

"But Hungary totally doesn't read like, sappy romance novels... She like, reads yaoi manga." Feliks added.

So Feliks wasn't as stupid as he looked. "In that case I'll give it to Belarus!" Lithuania said.

"She'd rather a knife. Also, don't hang out with her. Last time she totally, like broke all your fingers." Poland stated.

Feliks had backed Toris into a metophorical corner. Now Poland would tell everyone that his little Liet loves romance novels. Lithuania could try torturing the blonde into not telling, but he was too squeemish. "Feliks, could you pleeeeeeease keep this a secret?" Toris asked, a complete look of distress on his face.

"Sure," He answered, "But only if we can like, go shopping again."

----

A/N: So what did you think? Horrible, good, or random? Just review, but flames are never appreciated.

Poland: IMAGINARY COOKIES FOR THOSE WHO REVIEW! Okay, I like said it. Now where is that totally hot skirt you promised me Miss Author-lady-person?


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: So now, Poland and Lithuania are going to go see a movie!

Lithuania: What?

Poland: Oh My God! Which movie do we get to see?

A/N: I'm not telling... Anywho, enjoy.

Chapter 5: If you take a Feliks to the movies

It was another normal day in Hetalia land. If by normal, you mean total chaos. Poland had invited Lithuania to go to the movies. A nice gesture, that Toris knew could turn into embarrassment. He hadn't even found out what movie they were going to see. "Uhhh Feliks? What are we going to watch?" Toris asked.

"We're like gonna see Harry Potter and the half blood Prince! It's really good Liet. Hungary said it was totally amazing." Feliks said.

At least it wasn't a chick flick. That would have been awful. Harry Potter was usually action packed, so it wouldn't be too bad.

They pulled up to the theatre and entered. After buying tickets, Poland noticed that there was an arcade. "Look Liet! They have a DDR game! We have to play it!"

Lithuania sighed and followed Poland. He didn't even know what DDR was. "Wait… what's DDR?" Toris asked.

"You don't know!?" Feliks asked, gasping in an over-exaggerated shock.

He furrowed his brow and thought of a good response. "Well Liet, DDR means Dance Dance Revolution. You like, step on the arrows and dance to the music. I'm totally awesome at it!" Poland stated… probably proud that he came up with a good answer.

Toris was dragged towards the game and pushed onto the plastic dance pad. "I'll go against you and we'll see who is, like the best!" Poland yelled, jumping onto the other pad.

The music started up and Toris knew this wouldn't end well. He tried to stomp on the first arrow but missed and nearly fell over. He tried again and missed. "I don't think I'm good at this…" He muttered.

"Awwww it's okay Liet! You're doing fine!"

Lithuania tried again but it made things worse. Somehow he managed to fall sideways into Poland. "Liet! I know you like, love me and all… but you don't need to hug me to prove it."

Toris noticed the situation he was in and blushed. As he fell he had grabbed onto Poland to avoid hitting the ground and was still clinging to him. "I er- a- I didn't mean to! I'm so sorry!" He yelled, shaking his head furiously.

"It's okay Liet. I don't mind hugs from you."

Lithuania certainly hoped that Poland was implying they were best friends and not anything else.

---

A/N: Sorry that was short again…. Please vote on my profile for where these nations have to go next!


	6. another short chappt

Chapter 6: What the crap?

Lithuania: That title scares me…

Poland: Awww don't worry Liet!

A/N: Warning… this chapter may contain shonen-ai-ish fluff.

------

Finally Lithuania and Poland were spending a day at home. Toris had his new book out and was reading while Feliks was watching Gossip Girl. "Liet~ Aren't you gonna watch this with me?" Feliks whined.

"I am watching. I'm just reading my book at the same time."

"Oh. Makes sense."

Lithuania continued to read, making his blond friend feel even more annoyed. "Are you okay Liet? You've been, like reading for a while." Poland stated, flipping his hair over his shoulder.

"Mhmm. Perfectly fine."

They sat in silence for a few more moment as Feliks watched TV. It just wasn't the same when Lithuania wasn't paying attention. As the commercial came on, the Pole was even more frustrated. "Liet~! Are you even watching this!?" He yelled.

"Mhmm."

Poland couldn't take it anymore. Lithuania was ignoring him on purpose. _Fine… Two can play this game._

"_Hey Liet~! I love you."_

"_Mhmm. Same here."_

_After a few seconds passed, Toris took a double take. "Wait, what?!"_

"_So you weren't paying attention to me. I like, knew you didn't mean it."_

_Toris had dug himself a deep hole. It was either tell Poland he hadn't been paying attention or be laughed at for admitting he liked the blond. "I'm sorry. I was reading my book. It's not that I don't like you bu-"_

"_You find that book way more exciting than me," Feliks interrupted, "I get it."_

"_No! It's not more exciting, I just want to finish it."_

"_But that's a sissy romance novel, right? If you want romance, you could like, watch this."_

"_Fine! I'll tell you why I'm not paying attention." Toris yelled, "I hate this show!"_

_Feliks gasped, but then started to laugh. The laughter began to confuse the Lithuanian. Why would Feliks laugh when his favourite show had been insulted. "You could have said that silly." Feliks said, catching his breath._

_As a sign of forgiveness, Feliks leaned over and wrapped his arms around the brunette. "It's okay Liet. Forget the book and the show. I can always, like entertain you better."_

_He shook his head furiously and returned the embrace. As Toris let his eyes droop shut, he heard a faint laughing in the background. _

"_Kolkolkol. Hug my little Lithuania, da? Someone's in for trouble."_

_Hopefully that voice was just a nightmare._

_---_

_A/N: Please give me ideas for another chapter!!!!!_


	7. zomg shonenai

_**A/N: Sorry I haven't updated in a bit… I had a family emergency come up and haven't felt like typing much…**_

_**Poland: Aww~ It's okay Miss Author Lady! **_

_**A/N: Thanks to ___ for giving me the idea for this chapter thingy!**_

_**----**_

When Toris woke up, he nearly screamed when he looked down to see Feliks lying on him. Then he remembered… They had fallen asleep together while watching TV.

Toris sighed and picked up his book. It would be to risky to wake up the blonde. He opened the book to the dog-eared page and began to read.

_Then, Richard took Amelia into his arms. Her hair blew gracefully in the wind. "Amelia. I love you more than anything." Richard whispered._

_Amelia blushed a cherry red and looked up at Richard. "I love you too!" She replied._

"What are you reading?" Poland asked, yawning slightly.

Toris tried to reply but could not as Feliks grabbed his book and looked at the page. "Oh don't worry! I'll, like read to you," Poland said, "Richard smiled at these words and kissed her softly on the lips. She began to kiss back with a fierce passion. A passion that could make the sun rise. A kiss that would light up the skies…"

The Lithuanian blushed and muttered a few obscene words under his breath. Why did Feliks have to get his book during the kissing scene. "A kiss that would light up the sky, huh? Do you, like want to see a kiss like that Liet?"

Trying not to look too excited, Toris nodded. "Well I could show you one…" Poland added.

Lithuania looked around the room. "With who? There aren't any girls in here?" Toris asked, hoping that Hungary wasn't hiding under the couch.

Feliks laughed and poked Toris in the shoulder firmly. "Silly Liet~! Like, who needs a girl?" He said, and with that softly kissed Toris.

Eyes wide and mind blank, Toris attempted to protest but Feliks was being… Feliks. He let the passion in the kiss grow slowly and just as it was becoming intoxicating to Lithuania, Poland ended it. "Did it like, light up the sky?" The Pole asked, smirking.

"That was- Er, well…" Toris stuttered, "Why did you do that?"

"Cause I wanted to!"

"Well two can play at that game." Lithuania muttered, as he pulled Poland's mouth onto his own.

If Poland was going to kiss him, then he would kiss back. It's what happened in all the romance novels anyway.

As he pulled away, Feliks just stared at him, an amused look in his eyes. "You do know this means you're my boyfriend right? That means, like no more school boy crushes on Belarus."

"I know. But as to you, hand back my book! I want to find out how it ends."

Feliks got off the couch and ran, Toris in hot pursuit. Neither of them noticed a Hungarian woman walking out with a smug look on her face and a camera in her hands.

_**---**_

_**A/N: So how crappy was that? I'm not in a good mood, so it wasn't good… sorry!**_


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